Lost What Once Was
by RyokoMist
Summary: one shot. A small insight on Ginger's feelings when she discovers Sasha has moved on. From the episode "Ginger's Solo".


_Hey all. Well, the Batman Beyond fics are doing well. I havent been able to do much updating because i've been in an accident: broke my left leg and dislocated my left ankle, and had to have surgery because the damage was so extensive. Now that the pain meds are becoming less and less necessary i'm going to try to get back to work. anyways, i've been having a Ginger-thon these past couple of days and i love Ginger and Sasha almost as much as i love Ginger and Darren. I did this one shot as something random to throw myself back in the game. Its basically from Ginger's Solo (the episode when she finds out Sasha has moved on back to his ex.) I just wanted to put a little something in there showing how Ginger was feeling. it goes from Ginger, to Sasha, and then back to Ginger._

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Lost What Once Was

**GINGER**

I couldn't believe it. Still in the midst of everything happening around me, I still couldn't quite grasp that here I was: sitting on a bus heading for Heathered Hills. Heathered Hills! And it wasn't the band competition there which I had volunteered for playing the Ultra Grande Triangle (and trust me – it's Grande!); it was the reason WHY I had volunteered that had me on the edge of my seat. At this very moment I was on my way to the school where my crush went. Sasha. Just the thought of his name in my head made my stomach churn nervously yet joyfully.

I sat there beside Katie watching the trees whizz by me in anticipation as the rest of the bus chanted some words that didn't even rhyme. From the corner of my eye I could see Miranda cringing in disgust at her bandmates, snarling with enough disdain to make some of the kids quiet their nosy excitement…quiet, but not completely silence. I kinda felt sorry for her…

But just like her, this had to be one of the longest two and a half hours of my life. I didn't know whether to curl up in a ball and beg for them turn the bus around; or just indulge in the moment…in my everlasting fantasies. The memory of Sasha and I together walking through the woods, the gentle yet somewhat reserved kiss on the cheek he gave me (a sentiment which I made sure to keep in the locket tied securely around my neck) – what life could have been for us there on the woody dock of Camp Caprice: me resting on the dock, soaking in sun as he swam towards me and took his place at my side; the sun glistening from his tanned brown skin, the water dripping from those strange yet entrancingly developing muscles-.

"Give it a rest people, we're here!" that raspy and threatening yet somehow mature voice of Miranda screeched, pulling me from my mind where Sasha and I were so close to first base. Katie bounced up and down in the seat and my chest congested. Heathered Hills…Oh my gosh…..

**SASHA**

"Hey Sasha come on!" I rolled my eyes and bent down, tying the strings on my gym shoes before grumbling and jogging out onto the track that encircled the football field. I loved gym…just hated being rushed by my obnoxious classmates. The pavement was like grass underneath my feet as I made my way to the line-up, being elbowed by my friend as he motioned his head for some girls dressed down in their band suits looking our way, smiling and giggling amongst one another. "Those girls are totally checking you out Sasha," he said.

"My eyes are set on one girl and one girl only dude. You know that."

"Shame."

I gave him a dirty look, about to ask just what in the hell did he mean by that? As more and more time passed the people around me always had some kind of off remark about her and it was really starting to bug me. But before I had the chance to interrogate him coach blew the whistle and I forgot everything else. I was, after all, slightly competitive, and running was what I did best next to riding horses. Man I really missed Camp Caprice – I couldn't wait until next summer. I could practically smell the hay and feel the sun on my skin. There it was: a vision before me of the good ole days from previous mornings. It was all so clear. I was running not on a school race track, but through the trails of the forest surrounding Caprice…running past the cabins, running towards a figure ahead. Her giggle made me smile on the inside. That fire red hair burned my heart even though I knew that now it shouldn't. "Slow down, we got crossers."

Immediately I allowed my mind to clear enough to slow down as my senses went back to reality for a moment. There were band kids crossing the track to get to the football field…likely to rehearse. Dedication. I liked that. But there was one image that didn't fade away as I came back to the real world. That fire red hair. Why was that still there? My jog turned into a trot as my eyes focused on the girl ahead donning a giant triangle around her shoulders…that flamed hair in a ponytail. Oh no…Oh no no no. It was her. She was here! Why?! I paused, my feet immediately turning away as my back flew towards her. Please don't let her see me….please don't let her see me!

"Sasha?" She saw me. My shoulders stiffened as I came to terms that there was no way I could act like I wasn't me…or that she hadn't seen me. Surely I'd hurt and confused her enough.

"Ginger. What are you doing here?" She looked good, I had to admit. I knew that probably sounded shallow to think with my current situation, but there was more to Ginger than the clothes she wore that originally attracted me to her…way more. Our short conversation was somehow awkward….awkward for me because she seemed so flustered and giddy and happy whereas I stood here at a loss for words because I knew she was ignorant to the truth that things between the two of us could probably never be what it once was. At the end of it all we decided to meet at one o'clock at the cafeteria…and now I had to think of a way to tell her what I hadn't been able to say through the phone or a letter. I only hoped that it wouldn't hurt her nearly as bad as my head saw it to be.

**GINGER**

I was practically running around campus, trying to find the cafeteria for our arranged meeting. Ever since I saw Sasha again on the race track he was all I could think about. My bandmates were…well, needless to say highly disappointed in my focus at the moment and the pressure was on; but what could I say?! Sasha was here! And his willingness to agree to meet me before the performances started had to mean something right? I could hear Dodie's voice in the back of my head telling me I was correct and her signature neck roll. Dodie would never steer me wrong! I winced. But none of that mattered! Right now I was in this place, thinking of the one guy who'd been on my mind ever since summer break. Post Traumatic Summer Romance was going to come to an end!

"Sasha!" I cried out after having spotted him leaning against the window and making my way forward with an anxious grin. Somehow in the back of my mind something noted a bit of reservation and hesitance about him – but surely I was looking too deep into things.

"Hey…Ginger," he stated. Was he less enthused? "How's the band thing coming?"

"It's great!" I lied. I didn't know the first thing about band, but it just seemed like the correct response to give. His eyes averted from mine and I tried to ignore the tormented expression Sasha seemed to have. He opened his mouth to speak at the same moment I did. "You go," I told him, smiling genuinely as I picked up that there was obviously something really important that he wanted to say; I could only hope in my heart that amongst that explanation would be a confession – a chance to hear that he was feeling the same way that I was at this moment: that I had been feeling for a while. He smirked back a little before frowning but I was not to be deterred.

"Okay see, first of all since you and I didn't make up until the last day of camp, I never got to explain why I was such a jerk all summer." He rubbed his shoulder in guilt and turned back to stare out the window. I turned to stare with him though I'm sure he knew my eyes never left his face. "Right before I went to Camp Caprice, my girlfriend Clover dumped me for a Sosh. You know the type: rich, popular, perfect teeth…"

"Mm-hmm," I agreed with an all knowing nod. Believe me, I knew the type.

"And when I heard that obnoxious Courtney girl talking about you and your rich, popular boyfriend Ian – I went ballistic. It was nothing personal." He was sincere in that, and I could see that his behavior towards me in those days had simply been an accumulation of the pain he went through with his ex-girlfriend. I'd probably be upset too if it seemed like I was losing TWO girls to the popular "in-crowd". It would make me feel like every person I liked was only destined to be conformers of society…and that within itself hurts enough.

"Ohhh water under the bridge!" I explained with an assuring grin. "All part of a relationship ya know?" I touched his arm and he smiled briefly before frowning again and returning to that reserved and distant demeanor.

"Yeah, about the relationship part-" Sasha's fingers toyed with the glass as a voice from down the hall called his name with a certain level of recognition that made both of us freeze.

I knew that tone. I'd heard and seen it plenty of times…well…plenty of times on the television; but I'd heard it enough to know that it, tied with my female senses, meant something very wrong for me. We turned and there she was, coming down the hall in an essence of glory and sex appeal that seemed much too blatant and inappropriate for someone my age. She had incredibly long and flowing sun blonde hair as she wore a red sweater that seemed a bit big on her in size. It was probably a boy's. She'd tied it up into a crop top and wore blue jean shorts and gym shoes. But I could see the way everyone stared at her. She was pretty…probably the epiphany of what Courtney Gripling would turn out to be when she got older. I knew from the moment I saw her prancing down the halls that everything I had hoped and imagined was now dead with no hope of resuscitation. The world, the memories, all seemed to engulf me and turn dull. Everything was gone now.

"Hey!" she said, strolling alongside him and flipping her perfect locks. "Whatcha doing back here with all these band dorks?" Sasha face palmed himself and I was stuck in shock. "No offense," the beauty added, placing a hand on my shoulder in mock camaraderie. I knew that she had most definitely meant to offend me…and right now she had succeeded. Not in her words, but the in her very essence. But clearly nowhere near as bad as Sasha made me feel right now. Though I'm sure I had no one to blame but myself. Way to go Ginger.

Sasha met eyes with me, and the look in them made me feel even less of a human. "Uhhh Ginger? This is Clover." Such a dry introduction.

"Offfcourse it is," I murmured under my breath, turning my eyes away from him now with a frown towards the floor, cradling my band hat underneath my arm against my barely there chest.

"See, we got back togeth-."

Oh he was not! Not trying to offer an explanation to me – in front of her! I did not need to hear this, I didn't want to hear this. "Oh boy! Now I gotta get ready for the competition! Great seeing you again," I stated with a peppy smile. "Nice meeting you Heather." Take that you hussy. I turned to walk away.

"It's Clover," she practically growled at me. As if I cared to begin with. How could he do that?

"Ginger?" Sasha's voice rang behind me before I felt his capable hands on my shoulder. "Good luck?" He was at a loss of words. So were the few ones he'd just offered meant for the band competition? Or were they meant for me getting through THIS?

"You're not supposed to say 'Good luck'…it means bad luck…" Oh no…my voice cracked, my eyes were burning, tears threatened to over pour just as I got one good look into his eyes. Oh the conviction in them. I walked away, trying to be brave, but not before I silently screamed into his soul with the gaze I gave him: How could you do this? How could you hurt me this way? It would've been better if you just wrote a letter to break my heart in. How could you get back with the person who hurt you the most, when I could have made you the happiest? It was official. Love wasn't fair. It was cruel and childish and confusing…basically a domesticated version of my annoying little brother Carl. I walked away from him with tears in my eyes, heading for the nearest girls bathroom I could find in the school. The bathroom was a sanctuary in these dire times…and I refused to make even a bigger fool of myself by breaking down in this unknown place in front of him.

I felt like such a fool…so hurt…so angry…so pathetic. _**In just a matter of moments I had**_ _**lost what I once had…which apparently was nothing to begin with.**_

The End

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_I didnt switch back to Sasha because i didnt think it would be necessary. Besides, I really just wanted to focus on Ginger, and just threw the Sasha narrative bit to aid in the location jump in the story. Thankies guys. I will try to get back on my Batman Beyond tip. and once those are finished i will start the Codename:Kids Next Door fic. 3_


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